"Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about un-becoming everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place."
I've often defined myself as a seeker of truth. From an early age, I gravitated toward the sciences and math with great appreciation for measurable data, formulas and arriving at solutions. "Absolutes" seem to offer security, confidence, assurance of "getting it right" and avoidance of being wrong.
|Super Scientist Award, June 1984, Fifth Grade|
My life has been a voyage of constant synchronicity and unexplained occurrences, so much so, that at times I've questioned my experiences. Is this for real?
We live in an extraordinary world with miraculous events, unexpected blessings, intuitive gifts and yet our tendency is to label and question our experiences. We judge ourselves based on the opinions, beliefs and experiences of others. We often ask, "What if I'm wrong?"
But what if you're right?
What if your dreams and visions are right on target? What if by sharing your experience, you open others up to having their own experiences. What if your story of hope comforts and lifts just one other person out of the depths of despair? What if by sharing your truth, you give others the freedom to be as they are.
I shared in a Facebook post recently about my son, Jackson, being born on 1/1/10 at 11:10 pm. This realization came on October of 2011 as I was completing the writing of my first book, Messages from Within and this sequence of numbers kept appearing on license plates, grocery store receipts, digital clocks, just about everywhere I looked.
One day, I was filing away some papers and happened to notice his birth certificate among these papers.
Now, when these numbers show up, I am certain that he is letting me know that he's nearby.
Butterflies have also been significant to my journey because of my daughter, Jade Morgan, who was also delivered prematurely and passed on shortly after her birth on June 10, 2006.
The day after her burial, my husband and I, along with our then 2 1/2 year old daughter, were heading up to New Hampshire for the weekend. As my husband was loading the rest of our things into the car, I was lost in thought, continuing to process all that had happened that week, when I noticed a yellow and black butterfly near our car.
About half-way into our trip, my husband decides to stop at a rest station. He goes in and while I wait with our daughter, another yellow and black butterfly appears and seems to stay nearby.
We arrive at our condo in Lincoln, NH and decide to walk across to the river after unloading our car. My husband and I were sitting quietly, watching our daughter play in the water and sure enough, another yellow and black butterfly pays us a visit. Up until this point, I hadn't said anything about this to him.
"That's the third time I've seen a yellow and black butterfly today," I turned to say. The words barely left my lips when I was overcome by a strong sense that this was Jade's way of letting us know that she was not too far away.
And this continues to happen. Just recently on Jade's birthday, I was in my car in the line up for parent pick-up, awaiting dismissal. I was earlier than usual, so I figured I would begin reading a book that had been on the floor of the passenger seat of my car for about a week or so. As I opened this book, The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer, I heard a baby crying.
My windows were up, so I expected to see someone standing nearby with a baby. I looked about, but didn't see anyone with a baby, but continued to hear the cries. I then figured that the baby might be in the car ahead or the one behind.
As I looked into my rear view mirror, I noticed a yellow and black butterfly heading in my direction. It flew over my car and directly ahead and then up into the trees.
Honestly, I can't say that I'm totally surprised, but it still amazes me. All of my children have opened me up to a new way of being in this world.
This past Tuesday, after dropping my daughter off at school, I was thinking about this and other experiences, still questioning some of them, when a song begins to play on the radio that I've never heard before. It is a song by Nico and Vinz.
I was struck by these words,
For thinking that we could be something for real?
Now am I wrong?
For trying to reach the things that I can't see?
But that's just how I feel,
That's just how I feel
That's just how I feel
Trying to reach the things that I can't see"
And now, this song keeps showing up at the most interesting times.
I had some time yesterday and figured I would watch the final episode of The Voice that has been on my DVR since May 20th. Guess which song was covered on this episode?
If you are experiencing a time of struggle, know that infinite hope can shine light on the darkest of days, and that you will emerge with greater strength and compassion. The most challenging experiences often assist us in our "un-becoming" as it says in the opening quote of this blog.
Keep an attitude of openness, listen to your heart's guidance and trust the unfolding.
Allow love, hope and faith to weave together a blanket of peace.
Love to all,
Kathleen O'Malley, DC is passionate about transforming lives. She is an integrative wellness chiropractor, mentor to adolescent and young women and has authored two inspiring books; Messages from Children and What They Can Teach Grown-ups (Balboa Press, 2013) and Messages from Within (Balboa Press 2012) She is currently working on her third transformational book. She lives in MA with her husband, daughter and their rescue dog, Logan.