Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Heart of a Writer, a Healer...

I am a writer, a healer and a messenger.  I began reading at the age of three.  I can now see how words were like nourishment to my soul.  This fueled my desire not only for knowledge, but also for true understanding.  From an early age, I was a seeker.  I wanted to know how it all began.  Where did I truly come from?  What is the meaning of my life?  As I recall, I would get glimpses.  But as hard as I tried, my young mind was not able to conceive it fully.  I was not yet open to receiving the truths that resided deep within me. 

I was a Biology major in my fourth year at Rutgers University when I was first introduced to Chiropractic.  Almost instinctively, there was a knowing that this was the path that I was meant to take.  Up until that time, my intent was to attend Medical School.  I was volunteering at the University of Medicine and Dentistry of New Jersey when I first heard my heart whisper, "Maybe this is a mistake?"  I would walk into the room of a severely injured patient and my heart would break.  I could feel it.  I was very sensitive to the pain and suffering of others.  In fact, my desire to heal others was born out of pain, although directed by love.  I had the right grades, but I was not sure if I had the heart.  There was also something mystical about being able to help others through the use of my hands.  So, I became a Chiropractor at the age of twenty-six. 

I left Chiropractic School with not only a degree and a mission of helping others to heal, but also with my future husband.  We relocated to his hometown in Massachusetts, were married, opened a Chiropractic Wellness Center, bought a home and had our first daughter.  The song for this period of my life was indeed, "Walking on Sunshine."  I was crystal clear about what I wanted in my life and believed in my amazing power to co-create whatever my heart desired.

This strong belief began in early childhood.  I was not raised in a home with religious practices.  My parents did not share openly their spiritual beliefs.  Yet, I had a deep connection to God.  He was a loving presence in my life.  Somehow, I came to know that he would answer my prayers.  I can recall being on a very small plane at about the age of ten.  There were only six passengers.  I was traveling with my mom and my younger siblings.  There was also a couple seated ahead of us.  From where I was sitting, I could even see the pilot.  We were caught in the middle of a terrible storm.  Strong winds seemed to whip our airplane about.  The woman began to cry out.  I could see the fear in everyone's faces.  I too was very afraid.  So, I did the only thing I knew to do.  I prayed.  We landed safely.  Wow, I thought.  It worked.  I got us here.  But, I still remembered to thank God.  There were other tangible answers to prayer which deepened my trust in the goodness of life.  No amount of hurt could destroy this connection I had with God.  At least, that was my hope.

When life appeared to steer away from my well-crafted plan, I leaned in on my Faith.  What I now realize is that there was so much more that I was meant to be and do with my life.  It wasn't just that I had chosen God.  I had forgotten that he had first chosen me.  This became clear in a guided group meditation one evening.  I write about this revelation in Chapter 10 of my book, Messages from Within: Finding Meaning in Your Life Experiences. 

I have been broken open to receive the messages that awaited me.  "Amazing Grace" is now the song my heart sings for now I can clearly see.  My book is about how I got to this point.  At first, I thought I was writing for other women who had experienced the pain of birth loss and struggling to find their way to acceptance.   Now, I realize that I am writing for anyone who has ever cried out, "Okay God, I'm doing the best I can.  What's the message? What am I not getting here?"  This has truly been a journey to a richer way of being in this world. I have found that with all of Life's mystery, the answers do lie within.

Amazing Grace is not just my song or story.  I am not the only being to  ever live this.  Each and every life on this blessed Earth is a messenger with a gift for the rest of humanity.  We are all an expression of Divine love. 

Be all that you have been called to be.  Love yourself and honor all you have been.  Recognize that Love is a powerful and healing force.  Direct loving energy to others especially when there is nothing else you can do.  Create affirmations based on your hearts desires and then be open to all of Life.  Practice peaceful surrender and surround yourself with people who nourish your soul.

God's peace and love has always been and will always be within you.

Love to you,

Kathleen O'Malley